Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro—known simply as Cristiano Ronaldo—is quite the character. He’s almost as famous for his looks and style as he is for his prowess on the field, but when you’re as incredibly talented and athletic as he is, nothing can overshadow what you do on the pitch. Then again, after reading some of these facts, it’s certainly a close call.
The Monster Free Kick
He can kick a football 81mph. That really puts the intimidation level that those goalies must be feeling into perspective when he does his iconic stance with his feet shoulder width apart and those short, concentrated breaths. If I saw a football rocketing at me at over eighty miles an hour, I’d dive out of the way. I would treat it like someone threw a grenade.
The Very Best Friend
His very close childhood friend gave up a spot on Sporting Lisbon for Christiano because he believed that Christiano was a better player. Ronaldo was and has been incredibly thankful, and his friend never has to work again as a result. Playing football is a lot of hard work. I would have happily given up my spot on the team for CR7 if it meant chilling by my indoor pool and sipping margaritas made by my personal bartender.
The Boutique Store
He named his boutique store CR7, and it includes such frivolous products as €30 underwear, €12 socks, and €100 shirts, all of which look way better when he models them than they do on anyone normal body. And that’s just the stuff online. If you go to the outlet, you can get gold belt buckles with diamonds. I couldn’t find the price on that.
The Sober Lifestyle
Christiano doesn’t drink alcohol, and that’s in part due to his father passing from alcohol consumption in his early fifties. He also says that it would negatively affect his performance, which is hard to argue with, especially when you’re using your beer gut as an elbow rest while you write this article.
The College Course
There’s a course about him at the University of British Columbia in Canada. They study him, his lifestyle, his popularity, his skill, his fashion sense, his everything. I very much doubt he would have any reason to visit Canada, but if he visited that classroom, that would make every penny of that tuition worth it.
The Wax Statue Stylist
He pays a stylist to go and brush the hair of his wax figure at Madame Tussauds once a month. It’s one thing when you’re really vein about your own appearance, but when you’re so vein you can’t stand the thought of your wax statue’s hair being a little tousled, you have a serious problem. Still love you though, Chris.
The Life Saver
A young nine-year-old boy and avid Ronaldo fan was diagnosed with cancer, and Christiano paid for his treatments. Not only that, but he avidly donates blood and chooses not to have tattoos for that reason. That might not be the actual reason he doesn’t have tattoos, but it’s certainly not because he’s afraid of needles.
The Crazy Workout
He does 3,000 sit-ups a day. In training sessions, he lifts the equivalent of 16 Toyota Priuses. He has 10% body fat. He’s five times more powerful than a cheetah. He beat an Olympic sprinter in zigzag sprints. His six-pack puts every Ancient Greek statue to shame. The guy is an athlete in every sense of the word.
The Golden Charity
He sold his Golden Boot award and used the €1.5 million to fund schools in Gaza. He’s also been involved in other philanthropic endeavors. Selling a trophy that coveted is quite the gesture. I don’t know why you would bother buying a trophy that you didn’t earn, but at least it went to charity!
The Ronaldo Museum
There’s a museum dedicated to him and only him in Portugal. And guess what? He opened it. He gets a lot of flack for his vanity, but people were very much demanding this museum. I know I worded it like I was going to make fun, but I just couldn’t resist. Side note: I would love to visit that museum.
The Ridiculous Wealth
He’s the third richest athlete after Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao, and the first richest footballer in the world. His net worth is $280 million. His salary is $45 million a year, and he makes that again with endorsements. That is a lot of moola.
The Embarrassing Nickname
His nickname as a child was cry-baby. Apparently he would cry if someone missed a goal when he passed them the ball, and he presumably still cries today when he has a zit. Just kidding, Roro. You’re just too easy to make fun of.
The Goal a Minute
He’s the first player to score in every minute of a game. The first minute, the eighth minute, every single minute. I’m assuming that doesn’t apply to every conceivable instance of stoppage time, but when you’re the first to do anything, especially something that impressive, it’s pretty much impossible to question its awesomeness.
The Two-Club Trophy Record
He won a League Title, FIFA CWC, UEFA CL, League Supercup, Golden Boot, Ballon d’Or, League Cup, and League MVP while playing for two different clubs, and he’s the first and only player to ever do that. Basically, he’s a legend of both Manchester United and Real Madrid. Can he get three?? Probably not, but I would like him to accept that challenge.
The Sixty Goals Four Times
He scored sixty or more goals in a calendar year four times, which is a record, and he did it consecutively, which makes it even more impressive. The guy is unstoppable. Sixty goals in one season is incredible, especially in La Liga, and to do it four seasons in a row? My God. Wait, sorry. I meant, my Christiano.
The Champions League Record
He has the most goals in Champions League history, as well as the most penalties scored, the most consecutive matches scored in the Champions League, and the most goals in both the tournament’s knockout stage and semi-final. They should just rename the tournament “The Christianos League.” Guy is a champion.
The La Liga Records
Ronaldo has the most hat tricks in Spanish football with 34, and the most in La Liga with 28. He’s also the first player to score against every La Liga team in one season, and while Messi did the same and did it consecutively, there can only be one first, and Ronaldo holds that record. Take that, Messi.
The Origin of the Name
He’s named after Ronald Reagan. His dad was such a big fan of the actor and president, he named his son after him. There are worse things than being named after Reagan no matter what your political alignments or Hollywood fandom happen to be. He could have been named after Bill Cosby. Everything should be put in perspective.
The Throwing a Chair at a Teacher Incident
He was expelled from school for throwing a chair at his teacher. Apparently it’s because she made fun of his accent, but despite the bullying from the educator, it’s safe to assume that was a bit of an overreaction. He used the time off to focus completely on playing football, so I guess it paid off.
The Racing Heart
Long before he was racing around the field at Santiago Bernabéu Stadium, he was diagnosed with a racing heart. At the age of 15, he underwent a laser surgery to cure his condition, which could have negatively affected his football career. Instead, the surgery went through without a hitch, and he was back on the field in a few days. Ironically he gives everybody racing heart when he lifts his shirt to reveal those washboard abs.